Post by tentacleTherapist on Dec 22, 2010 0:52:32 GMT -5
Hello and welcome, to an absolutely vomit-inducing fan fiction piece. Today, we bring in an excerpt from the dreadful Smash Bros. fanfiction vault. In which includes many transgendered folks, and princesses but we're not sure which and half the time it isn't a princess. My reaction? If Karkat were here right now, this is what he would have to say.
www.determinismsucks.net/archive/1287811064923.gif
Sit back, relax, and try to hold in your lunch until after the commentary. Thank you.
Chapter 1: A psycho revenge idea R3V3NG3 1S 4LW4YS 4 B1TCH And when it's psychotic, it's bound to be more contrived.
Note to readers: the characters in the story aren't always jerks; I just needed to get the girls mad, that's all. Also, in this story, Sheik is biologically a boy. I never played Oot. Live with it. D34L W1TH 1T >B]
Yes, I will deal with this because it is the most intelligent logic I have heard all day. Thank you for convincing me, fiction author.
"Let me go, Bowser!" screamed Peach one day "Why do you always kidnap me anyway?" Because he is very fond of you, presumably. Alternatively, you are being held ransom or are just bait for the plumber man.
"Every Koopa King needs a Koopa Queen." Said the Koopa King. ...Or that. 4ND 3V3RY 1D1OT N33DS 4 WOM4N
"Not if I have anything to say about it!" said Mario, saving Peach. How very descriptive. I feel as though I could do no better myself.
"Well, Princess, you're safe! How about a reward kiss?" And that is not brusquely masochistic at all.
WHAMM-O! 1 DONT TH1NK 4NYTH1NG M4K3S TH4T SOUND 3V3R Except in cartoons. It's always the cartoons, Pyrope.
"You're no better than Bowser!" screamed Peach, storming off, and putting her newly-dented pan away. Away where? I presume she has no pockets, as she is wearing a dress. Besides, Mario can just sue for assault and battery. And suddenly, the plumber is rich. Golden coins as far as the eyes can see.4ND TH4TS 4 LOT OF 3XTR4 L1V3S UNL3SS TH1S ON3 OF TH3 G4M3S WH3R3 H3 C4N 4CTU4LLY BUY SH1T
Elsewhere… And a completely seamless transition. Author, I am impressed. Please share with me the wisdom of your prose prowess.
"Another date, Link? That's the 7th one this week…and it's Tuesday" said Zelda "Can't we take a break, or something?" This could actually be one of the few reasonable requests in this mentally deficient piece of fiction.
"Well, seeing as I'm the BOYfriend and you're the GIRLfriend, you gotta do what I say." But what happens if the couple in question is homosexual?HOMOWH4TNOW??
"DID YOU GROW UP IN THE MIDDLE AGES!" YOU D1D TOO STUP1D, 1 TH1NK I'm not even sure the series has a verifiable time period. Besides, Link doesn't even interrupt people when they're talking. He just sits and stares patiently, drool descending from the corner of his mouth. He's the very definition of good etiquette.
"yes…" Duh.
Elsewhere, again, Samus was overhearing Cpt. Oh no, "captain" is too hard to spell. Better use needless abbreviations. Falcon and Snake argue over which one of them would be Samus's boyfriend. She doesn't want a boyfriend. She gets pissed. OH PL34S3, 1TS JUST GUYS W4V1NG 4ROUND TH31R BON3 BULG3S Then refuse them, Ms. Aran. You are not powerless in this situation.
Soon, Samus finds the other girls (Zelda, Peach, Nana, and Princess Jigglypuff), and speaks of teaching the "jerks" some manners. ...And please define how a feral fighting animal is a princess?
"We could KILL them…" TH4TS 4N 4W3SOM3 1D34 said Nana, who didn't even have a boyfriend (Popo is her brother) Because we have been deprived of this information in the Super Smash Bros. game series. We cannot read a description. Besides, can Nana even speak English? Is this some kind of conspiracy? Stay tuned.
"…Are…are you getting enough air through that hood, Nana?" asked Zelda. No. It's airtight, and cuts off circulation. With it on, she is essentially mentally retarded. I'm sorry for your loss.
"I have an idea!" said Jigglypuff "I recently acquired a certain potion that we can use on them. Now, my boyfriend isn't giving me problems, but this potion will assure that they'll respect girls, more." (It's worth noting at this point that this is the Princess's first wacky scheme, so none of the characters know the trouble that they'll get into with her) WHY 1S TH3 J1GGLYPUFF M4RSHM3LLOW RUMPUS TH1NG SOM3T1M3S C4LL3D WH4T 1T 1S 4ND SOM3T1M3S C4LL3D PR1NC3SS??? ...And why can it talk? And how does it have a boyfriend? The plot thickens by a considerable amount.
"So what does it do-" Samus began, but then it dawned on her what the youngnot-Princess means. "Ooooooooooooh, no. No. You're not even to think of that anymore. Even in this case, that goes way too far. Who even sold you a gender potion in the first place?" A...A what? A gender potion?
"I made it myself just for something to do…" And you must not share this information with the rest of the world. The medical world will make a profit off of it and you will not. It will not make transgender procedures that much easier, I assure you.
"Well, don't use it! We'll think of something else to do" Y3S L1ST3N TO YOUR FR13NDS WHO 4R3 SM4RT3R TH4N YOU B1TCHF4C3 I still think this whole idea is completely fine. Really. I am completely serious.
Everyone else walked off, except for the Princess, who had an idea…a rotten idea…a festering road kill ala au gratin idea! 4L4 4U WH4T4??? WH4T TH3 FUCK DO3S TH4T M34N >:? Terezi, Cooking au gratin is a technique. Anything that can be sliced thin, layered with a cream sauce and baked is material for a gratin.
OH OK
WOW TH4TS FUCK1NG STUP1D
Indeed it is.
Chapter 2 The plan falls into action, sorta What could possibly go wrong? ...Yes, it's one of these fictions.TH3 K1ND OF F1CT1ON WH3R3 3V3RYTH1NG GO3S WRONG!
Well, guys: I listened to your reviews, and tried to make this chapter better. 4ND F41L3D Agreed.
For the record: I'll change the story a bit when I thought it was weak in the original comic form. Now, on to the story! I hope you know I am excited for this. I even put on my extra-giddy pair of socks strictly for this.4ND 1 H4V3 MY 3XC1TM3NT GL4SS3S
The Princess wandered the halls, holding her little bottle, when she came across five half-filled cups in the kitchen. Thank you for being specific. Now I know this chapter is going to have improved. My socks are tingling with flippant joy.4ND MY GL4SS3S 4R3 BOUND1NG 4LL OV3R TH3 FUCK1NG PL4C3
"Hmm…" thought Jigglypuff TH4TS WH4T 1 M34N, 1T K33PS CH4NG1NG "I don't know whose drinks these are, but I'll pour the potion in there, anyway." DONT HUM4NS M4RK TH31R DR1NKS OR SOM3TH1NG >:/ No. We take a guess and hope luck is on our side.
OH R34LLY NOW >:?
So, she hopped onto the large wooden table, and poured a small amount of the pink liquid into the drinks, where it disappeared immediately. "Won't Samus be proud of me?" She thought to herself. I recall her telling you strictly not to do that. Not even Jaspers was this mentally ill.
Idiot. My sentiments exactly, thank you author.YOU KNOW TH3 STORY 1S GOOD WH3N TH3 4UTHOR C4LLS H1S/H3R CH4R4CT3RS 1D1OTS
"Jigglypuff? Called a voice "Are you in here?" I imagine that this is God's voice. I mean, it was the most descriptive description of descriptions that I have ever had the pleasantries to read.WHOS GOD??? 1S TH4T 4 HUM4N DE1TY B3C4US3 1T SOUNDS S1M1L4R TO GOG
"Oh, no! I gotta hide!" Thought the Princess. She ran all over the kitchen, looking for a place to hide, and found an empty cabinet to hide in. Where the hell are they anyway? A house, a mansion, a villa? Please describe the fuck out of this.TH3Y 4R3 1N 4 PL4C3, B3ST D3CR1PS1ON 3V3R
"She must not be here. I wonder where she went. I wanted to tell her something. Oh well, I'll tell her later. Oh, here's my drink!" 1F 1T SM3LLS OF HUM4N 4LMONDS YOU FOUND TH3 PO1SON >:] 1T DO3S?? TH3N YOU W1N!!! Y44444Y!!! >:D It's very normal to talk to yourself. (PS Contact me on pesterchum as "tentacleTherapist". Your bill will be in the mail.)
By now, Jigglypuff P1CK 4 N4M3 4ND ST1CK W1TH 1T!!! realized who the voice belonged to: Zelda! How could she suddenly realize who it belonged to? An ephiphany is not likely...then again, she is a wild animal and completely stupid by human standards. But then, how can she talk? And as a side note, I am still pondering how a feral fighting monster can be adorned with the title "Princess".
Now, normally this wouldn't be a bad thing, but right now, the Princess was hiding in a drawer, and (with the door open a tiny bit) watching Zelda drink a cup of a drink laced with Gender Potion! Not good. Oh look, a drink all out in the open. Must be intended for me, and not laced with anything...why do I feel so strange? If you are going to pour a drink for yourself, why not just take it with you instead of leaving it in a kitchen? Especially when you live in a house full of villainous cads?
The Princess wanted to call out to Zelda, but stopped herself: she didn't want Zelda finding out about this. It's always wiser to take a prank farther and farther and then tell the truth at the end, thereby being granted a scolding by a guardian figure about the importance of honesty, but still getting let off easy.
And so, she just remained hidden in the cabinet, listening to people walk in and out, but not daring to see who it was, anymore. She didn't want anyone to find out her location. WOW YOU 4R3 STUP1D, SH3 W1LL OBV1OUSLY F1GUR3 1T OUT WH3N SH3 B3COM3S M4L3You can't even take a peak out? What courage you have, you lousy shitpuff.
Elsewhere… Another seamless transition! The socks are gleeful.4ND TH3 GL4SS3S WONT C4LM TH3 FUCK DOWN
"Hey, Samus?" asked Zelda that evening "Do you feel…odd in any way?" What an inconspicuous question.
"No, why?"
"Because I do, and I can't figure out-what?" asked Zelda, who was getting an odd look from her friend. In this edition of Survivor, you must not outwit, but outwhat your fellow competitors.4ND R3M3MB3R, LOS3RS G3T F3D TO TH3 SH4RKS
"Zelda, why did you turn into Sheik?" asked Samus. Because it makes sense to say that. It was an outfit. An outfit all along.1T W4S 4ND 4LW4YS W1LL B3 4N OUTF1T
"I didn't, did I?" But then, Zelda noticed that her voice was a bit lower, so she looked down to find that she was, in fact, Sheik. And how can you not know if you are the opposite sex immediately?
"That's odd. I didn't mean to do that." Said Sheik, turning himself back into a "she". HUM4NS C4N CH4NG3 TH31R G3ND3RS 4T W1LL??? >:O C4N YOU DO TH4T ROS3??
Yes. My male alter-ego is Rodney Lalonde. He has the same interests as me, but he thinks scantily-clad women are quite sexy and, as they say, "the shit".
"Whatever. I'm going to bed." Best to end this conversation before it gets any more akward. ...Oh wait.
"I think I will too."
"Ok. Good night"
"'Night" SL33P T1GHT, DONT L3T TH3 SOPOR BUGS B1T3 H3H3H3H3H3H3 But bite they will. They will bite at your chest, most of all. Beware, ladies.
Little did Zelda and Samus know that that little incident with Sheik was only the start of their problems….And hopefully, the soon-to-come end. Of course, I was always a bit optimistic...
Chapter 3 Link's awakening 1SNT TH4T ON3 OF H1S STUP1D G4M3S??? I suppose it was supposed to be some sort of pun.
Link woke up the next morning to find that…. WH4T? WH4T? The suspense is thrilling! My socks are practically flying off my feet! .everything was normal. >:O !!!! Fooled ya, didn't I? Y3S 1T W4S SHOCK1NG, R1GHT ROS3? An interjection from the author...very shocking indeed, Pyrope.Regardless, Link got dressed like normal, but felt that his clothes didn't fit right. It was
tight in some areas, and loose in others. To see why, Link looked at a full view mirror, and… 4ND WOND3R3D WHY H3 SOM3HOW B3C4M3 MOR3 OF 4 M4N BY B3COM1NG 4 WOM4N That isn't promiscuous at all. Right, Terezi?
"!" HOW DO YOU M4K3 TH3 SOUND !??? I will demonstrate, Terezi... 'AJSKDASBDHKABNDHBHRAW'. Yes, I just randomly mashed my keyboard. No need to ask.
The scream awoke several Smashers, 1T W4S 4 SCR34M?? TH3N JUST PUT 44444HHHHH OR SOM3TH1NG "44444HHHHH." Are you satisfied?Y3S TH4NK YOU ROS3 >:] including Jigglypuff, who was sleeping in the cabinet she had hidden in. She
guessed that the scream meant that someone was just TG'd, and went in search of the other TG's. TG JUST M4K3S M3 TH1NK OF D4V3 4ND HOW MUCH MOR3 COOL TH1S STORY WOULD B3 W1TH HIM TG'd? ...Transgender'd? ...Or turntechGodhead'd? The mystery thickens.MOR3 L1K3 TH3 MYST3RY TH1NN3NS
(Un)fortunately, the scream woke up Zelda, who was dumbfounded to see a girl in Link's clothes. Suddenly, she remembered that little Princess's "plan", put 2 and 2 together, and spoke. Y4Y!!! YOU C4N DO M4TH! But she didn't provide the answer! ...It was four, by the way. Four.
"LINK! Is that you?" NO 1TS H1S TW1N S1ST3R TH4T H3 4LW4YS H4D NO M4TT3R WH4T YOU S4Y How could she possibly figure it out?
"Uh…yeah…. You see-" YOUR3 4 WOM4N NOW, 1TS NOT H4RD TO S4Y 1N F4CT YOU DONT 3V3N N33D TO S4Y 1T What is he/she trying to do? Explain something? I don't really think you can viably explain how you switch your sex while you slept. I can't wait to here this.
"I know, Link. Jigglypuff did it." 1TS 4LL H3R F4ULT, K1CK H3R 4SS Damn, intercepted by the oh-so-cunning princess.
"So, now what? We find her and change me back?" HUUUR YOU TH1NK SO??? 1 N3V3R WOULD H4V3 FUCK1NG GU3SS3D >:P Sounds like a plan. We begin at dawn. Pack your bags, Linkette. This is going to be a long ride.R1D3 S1R GR33N C4P! 4W4Y!!
"Bingo." WHOS B1NGO 4ND 1S TH4T R34LLY H1S N4M3O??? That accursed dog has been captured in my nightmares for years. I always thought that he had killed Jaspers...
Sorry about the HORR1BL3 SH1T TH4T 1S TH1S STORY?? short chapter and long wait-Finals. '^' 1 CR13D TOO WH3N 1 R34D TH1S, B31NG BL1ND THOUGH 1T HURT L1K3 4 SL4P TO TH3 F4C3 FROM 4 B1TCHF4C3
Because we really anticipate the next chapter of this shitstorm. Dumbass.
Chapter 4 Where did Jigglypuff go? OH WH3R3 OH WH3R3 COULD S/H3 B3 I propose that it was Jigglypuff, in the kitchen, with the candlestick.
Really sorry about the short chapter last time. I was busy. PL34S3 FOR TH3 LOV3 OF GOG ST4Y BUSY Indeed.
"Wait!" Said Link. "I can't go out like this! People will see me!" OH TH3Y WONT S33 TH3 D1FF3R3NC3 And ogle you ferociously, not aware that you are supposed to be a man.
"I thing that scream gave the Smashers an idea that something's wrong." 31TH3R TH4T OR SOM3ON3 F3LL DOWN TH3 ST41RS 4G41N S/he was warned about the stairs. They warned you, dog.
"Fine…"
"Besides, you aren't the only one to have taken a potion. I turned into Sheik the other day randomly, so I'm guessing that I drank a potion, too." POT1ONS C4N CH4NG3 YOUR CLOTH3S NOW, M4K3 YOUR MORN1NG 34S13R W1TH TH3 C4SU4L W34R POT1ON!! BUY NOW WH1L3 SUPPL13S L4ST!!!
"Too bad I can't change back like you can." NO L1NK YOU C4N CH4G3 B4CK, YOU JUST 4R3NT TRY1NG H4RD 3NOUGH...UNL3SS >:O
"You can once we find the Princess" Seriously. It's a fucking animal. It is not and can not be a princess. I am tired of this stupid bullshit.
"Ok." OK? OK Ok.
And so, our 2 smashers set out to find Jigglypuff, who was taking action of her own… SH3 COULDN’T F1ND TH3 P34NUT BUTT3R 4ND SH3 SW34RS 1F SOM3ON3 4T3 4LL OF 1T…
"So let me get this strait," Said Jigglypuff to Samus "Zelda unknowingly turned into Sheik yesterday?" She didn't notice, of course. The fact that you now have the genitals of the opposite sex is not jarring or noticeable at all.
"Yes" replied Samus "This wouldn't have anything to do with that potion of yours, now would it?" G4SP, S4MUS 1S SM4RT Suddenly, one of the characters gains a fraction of intelligence! Congratulations, your Samus Aran has evolved into Slightly Smarter Samus Aran!
"Uh…no," The Princess lied "The potion just turned people pink." POT1ON?? WH4T POT1ON??? TH3R3 W4S 4ND N3V3R W1LL B3 4 POT1ON
"You stink at lying." YOU SM3LL OF SOM3 SW33T P3RFUM3 BUT YOUR D3C13T ST1NKS!!
"Gotta go, BYE!" said Jigglypuff, taking off. PCHOOOOO Doesn't Jigglypuff float? To me, it would be more like "shoooooooooosh...pap."
"Whew! That was close!" Jigglypuff thought to herself later. " 'Turned people pink'? HA! Samus was right! I do stink at lying. Oh well. At least I know that Link and Zelda drank the potion. Only 3 more TG's to go!" WH3R3 1S D4V3?? 1 W4NT H1M TO F1ND 4 W4Y TO T1M3 TR4V3L TH1S OUT OF 3X1ST4NC3 Terezi, aren't there about forty-one by now?
Speaking of pink….
"Hey, Meta Knight!" Kirby said, running into Meta Knight's room "Did ya hear? People have been changing genders, and…Dude, why are you wrapped up in your cape like that? You haven't done that since we did that Anime. What gives?"
Meta Knight gave Kirby a death glare. 4ND TH3N 3V3RYBODY D13D, TH3 3ND 'That anime'. It's a Japanese cartoon. That is what the animes are.
Kirby thought for a while… 4ND 4 WH1L3 4ND 4 WH1L3 4ND 4 WH1L3 4ND SO ON
Calculating….DING! OOOO TH3 POPCORN 1S R34DY!!! 4ND 1T ONLY TOOK F1V3 MONTHS Suddenly, Kirby has transformed into a noisy calculating computer. Seems there are more than just Dave transformations in here.
"You didn't change, too, did you?"
Uber-death glare! 4ND TH3N 3V3RYBODY WHO 3V3R 3X1ST3D 1N TH3 P4ST, PR3S3NT, OR FUTUR3 D13D, TH3 3ND Uber? Is that even a real, English word?
"WELL!" Kirby yelled "Did ya or not!" Question mark.
"Works for me." Said Jigglypuff to herself from across the room. Ok, so far, the TG's are:
2. Link
3. Meta Knight
4. ?
5. ?
Link and Meta Knight are different Daves? Thrilling. The socks are pleased.4ND TH3 GL4SS3S 4R3 FL1PP1NG OUT
"I'd better find the other victims!" Said she, who rounded the corner to find, to her shock…. 4 GOOD STORY?? PL34S3 L3T 1T B3 SO
Chapter 5 Jigglypuff gets into even more trouble 3NOUGH TROUBL3 TO D13?? PL34S3??? Hopefully, but our dreams will never come true.
….Pikachu! OH GOGD4MM1T
"Oh, Jigglypuff! Where were you all day? You've been missing since yesterday."
"I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!" HOW SUBTL3 Shouted the Princess. Oh nice one thought the Princess to herself. I might as well have slapped a sticker on my head saying "I did it". M4Y 4S W3LL Do any of these characters have an IQ above fifty?
Wait…where's my crown? I must have dropped it. I had it since I can remember SH3 H4D 4 CROWN, TH3 S1GN1F1C4NC3 OF 1T?? N3V3R 3XPL41N3D!!! She's had a crown that whole time? Well, thanks for explaining this earlier. And besides, wild animals cannot be royalty.
Oh well. I gotta deal with the problem at hand, now. Just then, she saw a Pokéball lying on the ground. Author Utilization Technique, go! Author tech level six, Deus Ex Machina!
"Sorry about this, Honey." Said Jigglypuff, throwing the Pokéball, and catching Pikachu. GOTT4 C4TCH 3M 4LL YOU KNOW Honey? How disgusting. Interspecies relationships sure are weird.
"Oh no, NOW I'm in trouble" Said Jigglypuff to herself. "I disobeyed Samus, sabotaged people's drinks, swapped people's genders, hid from taking any punishment, and NOW I've captured my own boyfriend. Y3S, PL34S3 K33P T4LK1NG 4BOUT HOW MUCH YOU SUCK In other words, you're fucking retarded. And thank you for summing up your misdeeds, so we didn't have to read this...oh wait.
However, I can't go back, now. I'll just have to hide the Pokéball in the Pokémon room." (Each game series has its own room). OH SO NOW YOU 3XPL41N TH3 PL4C3?? And suddenly, more deus ex machinas.
However, the door was locked, and we all know by whom. SOM3 GUY W3 DON’T C4R3 4BOUT??
No, we don't know. How are we supposed to know? Do you expect us to know without a hint of foreshadowing? This author is clearly unhinged.
"Come on, Trainer! Let me in!" SO TH4TS 4 Y3S TH3N No one has names any more. No one.
"I'm not coming out!" shouted some girl. Y3S 4 G1RL, R3M3MB3R TH4T R34D3RS, 4 G1RL
Just then, Jigglypuff remembered her own key, unlocked the door herself, and entered. HOW DO YOU FORG3T TH4T YOU H4V3 4 K3Y TO 4 PL4C3??? >:\ Like I said...deus. Ex. Machina.
It's pretty obvious what's happened. There's no need to prolong the suspense.
...
Okay, that's it. I'm sick of this. I've had it. This is the worst piece of shit I have ever seen. This is a fucking retarded idea. This is the toilet that was torn out of the wall carelessly by an intangible cursor, prodded around a bit, and then hurled unceremoniously to the lawn below. This is garbage.
JUST 4 THR33 MOR3 CH4PT3RS ROS3 TH3N W3 4R3 DON3, C4N YOU H4NDL3 TH4T?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Chapter 6 Link and Zelda argue with the narrator TH1S WONT TURN OUT W3LL Because breaking the fourth wall is a good idea when writing fiction.
"Hurry up, Link! We must find the Princess." Said Zelda. TH3 PR1NC3SS 1S 1N 4NOTH3R C4STL3 DUMBSH1T
"You know, Zelda," said Link "I'm having a tough time not being slow." I'm having a tough time figuring out which princess we're referring to. There is a large number of those bitches. Don't forget that I've never been a girl before, and I have a lot to get used to." Yes, because we forgot you were transgendered. Sorry, that's just something we forget from time to time.
"Like…?"
"Well, for starters, I have a lower center of gravity. CH4NG1NG G3ND3RS M4K3S YOU LOS3 W31GHT!! I can also tell that I have a lower center of gravity on a whim. I also am not used to all this hair in my face-" 4ND 1T M4K3S YOUR H41R GROW!!! Some girls cut their hair short.
"I have something for you to use to put your hair back in a ponytail." Interrupted Zelda. DON’T 1NT3RRUPT B1TCH >:[ Or do that.
"Oh, ok." Said Link "But I'm not done, yet. My body is now more slender and weak. W34K?? H3Y! You're right, I can't kill a giant ogre with a pair of knitting needles and some yarn as well as you can. Here, let's see you do it much better than me.I also am wearing clothes that no longer fit me because of-" TH3Y SHOULD F1T JUST F1N3 Note to self, suddenly becoming a woman makes you lose all previous muscle mass, and becoming a man gives you a large muscle mass. This is important information that could be of use in the future, Pyrope. Are you taking notes?? Jesus, get a fucking pen.GOT 3M 4LR34DY!!
"OK! I get it! I am used to being Sheik, Sheik is not a man, I do not care about your head-canon.
so it's not a problem for me, but this is your first TG, His/her first Dave?
so you have trouble adjusting. sigh." Don't worry, Princess Zelda, I say the word sigh when I expel a breath of air, too. It's nothing abnormal. But I'm always available for contacting on Pesterchum at "tentacleTherapist".
"Ok, this is what we'll do," Zelda continued "After we catch Jigglypuff, I'll help you get used to that new body. Ok?" WH4T 4BOUT TR4NSFORM1NG B4CK UNL3SS >:O Z3LD4 YOU S1CKO!! Because you didn't plan on performing surgery? For shame, Zelda, tut tut.
"Once we catch Jigglypuff, I'll change back, because I-Hey what's that?" 1T W4S 4 THOUGHT C4TCH 1T Doof doof short attention span.
Link picked up a bottle that had a label with a symbol on it that looked like the male and female symbols on the same circle-A popular TG symbol. 1F 1T W4S 4 TG SYMBOL 1T WOULD B3 4 R3CORD WOULDN’T 1T?? Wait, weren't the bottles unmarked before?
"It looks like the Gender Potion that she had showed us earlier." BUY TH3M NOW! They weren't marked, how could you know if they were actually the gender potion? It might be the pink potion, look out.
"Why was she doing that?" DO1NG WH4T?? SHOW1NG 1T TO P3OPL3??? Becoming a woman also means you have a short attention span. You are particularly attracted to glittering gems- ooh shiny.
"Because we girls were looking to get revenge at how you boys were treating us. We were sick of it." 1T W4S 4 DUMB 1D34 THOUGH 1N H1NDS1GHT Good old fashioned sexism one way...
"YOU COULD'VE JUST TALKED TO US! YOU DIDN'T NEED TO TURN ME INTO A WOMAN!" F1RST LOG1C4L TH1NG 1N TH1S F1C
"That idea was turned down quickly." And good old fashioned sexism in the other. Men are not completely unreasonable.
Jigglypuff acted on her own accord. However, you're right: we should've just told you how we felt. Also, we were overreacting a bit-" 4 B1T?? YOU C4LL TH4T 4 B1T?!
"Try a LOT" 3X4CTLY! >:[ Princess Peach, Mario saved you from a giant fire-breathing turtle that possesses the qualms of dark magic. You could have at least given him a quick peck on the cheek.
"-and I'm sorry." OH G33Z
"Hey, we got her potion, so I'm saved! I totally forgive you!" 4ND TH4TS TH3 3ND 3V3RYBODY GO HOM-
"Uh, Link?" said Zelda "The bottle's empty." OH FUCK 4 D4MM1T
And it was. It was bone-dry. Not a drop of salvation for Link's no longer existing manhood could be seen. Looks like Link may be a woman forever! OH NOOOOO I feel like a woman. Oh, oh, oh. (Don't ask.)
"!" !
! !!! Exclamation point...exclamation point...hey, I'm trying my hardest here.
"SHUT UP! I'd like to see YOU in my shoes right now, ya crazy narrator!" said Link ??? Why would you suddenly argue with a person and break the fourth wall for no reason? This just in, women are unreasonable.
Hey, maybe if I did, I'd actually fit in them. The tunic may not be too tight on me, either, unlike you! He he he…or in this case, Her her her… BOOOOO TH4T SUCK3D!! >:[ I admit, that was bad, even for this garbage.
"Stop being mean to Link! It's not his fault his new figure makes his outfit not fit that waist and chest!" 3SP3C14LLY H1S W41ST TH3 D4MN F4TTY ...And there's the fetish train. Th-th-that's all, folks.
"Not so loud." said Link timidly.
Stay outta my fun, Zelda! Listen, I'm going to cut to Jigglypuff for a bit, so in the meantime, Zelda, you should give Link some stuff to wear so that he won't be as uncomfortable. 'K?
"Ok." TH4T W4S STUP1D, TH1S WHOL3 TH1NG 1S STUP1D, 1N F4CT 1 F33L STUP1D FOR R34D1NG TH1S SH1T BUT JUST TWO MOR3 CH4PT3RS TH3N W3 C4N GO
Holy shit. When I don't think this can get any worse...amazingly, it does.
Chapter 7 BUSTED! F1V3-OH!! CH33S3 1T!!! When will this be terminated? Oh well, this issue has gone far beyond rational.
Ungh…so what if I'm mean to those guys? It's MY fanfiction, so I don't see why- oh yeah, you're still here. Y3S W3 4R3 M1SS BR34K TH3 FORTH W4LL And now we see how mentally deficient the writer of these mentally deficient characters is. The answer? Very retarded.
Well, in this chapter, we get to see who the last victim is. I could tell ya now, but that'd ruin my fun, so let's just move on with the story…. 4ND H3R3 W3 GO!! I would rather you just spared me the bullshit and told us. Your convoluted method of storytelling is making me want to vomit. Profusely.
"I just know this is your fault, somehow." Said a girl with a baseball cap on, a white blouse, a black skirt, and 3 Pokéballs. SH3S 4 G1RL 4ND SH3S H4S MOR3 B4LLS TH3N L1NK D1D WH3N H3 W4S 4 M4N 1F YOU G3T WH4T 1 M34N >:] > :] >:] > :] >:] > :] ROS3 H3LP 1 C4NT STOP TH3 3Y3BROWS!!! Oh snap. But the eyebrows will stop on their own, don't you worry.
"You have no proof." Said Jigglypuff. OBJ3CT1ON!!! Your honor, the defense would like to present this... "Bottle of... Transgender Potion?"
"You're always messing up, you're a total klutz, and on top of that, I heard you tell the other girls about it." Said the Trainer Y3S H1S/H3R 4L1B1 1S W34K Wow, the protagonist's intelligence may give the author a run for her money.
"Ok, maybe you do have some proof." TH3 OBJ3CT1ON G3TS US 4LL Rose Lalonde, Ace Attorney is always right. As you advised near the beginning of your fiction...Deal with it.
"Well make me a boy, again."
"No can do." Liar.
Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Jigglypuff opened it to find Zelda, Link, Kirby, Meta Knight, Peach, Mario, Samus, Pikachu (who was let out of the Pokéball), Crazy Hand, and an odd-looking Master Hand, who was more slender, and had what appeared to be long nails. Didn't see that coming did ya? 4CTU4LLY NO, 1 D1D NOT 1M B31NG COMPL3T3LY S3R1OUS H3R3 1 W4S NOT 3XP3CT1NG TH4T I was expecting it...what a tweest! What are you, M. Night Shyamalan?
"You know, I wondered why Master Hand didn't intervene before." Said Samus Yet again, Samus receives the title "Most Logically Capable Character".
"Wait," said Jigglypuff "how did Master Hand take the potion? He has no mouth." TH4T 1S 4 GOOD-
"I have my ways." 4ND TH3 QU3ST1ON, N3V3R TRU3LY 4NSW3R3D Subtle.
"Oh, ok….BYE!" BY3!! 1 HOP3 YOU D13 >:]
Jigglypuff took off running at top speed, but was stopped after a lot of dodging attacks on her part and a lot of effort on everyone else's part. W41T HUH?? ...What the fuck was that trainwreck of a cognizant sentence? Sorry, I mean "incognizant", because obviously the author has some sort of brain syndrome.
"What should we do with her?" asked Samus 1T T4K3S S3V3N TO LYNCH Sentenced to life with the whispers of the Outer Gods.
"Kill her, duh." Said Meta Knight in a feminine, but not high-pitched voice. 1 4GR33 TO TH3 K1LL1NG BUT HOW DO3S H4V1NG 4 F3M1N1N3 NOT-H1GHP1TCH3D VO1C3 WORK? Is it bad that I imagined the voice of a stereotypical black teenage woman?WH4TS 4 BL4CK T33N4G3 WOM4N ROS3??
O-O-Everyone's reaction to voice (only Jigglypuff and Kirby knew about what happened to Meta Knight. SO 3V3RYBODY JUST LOOKS L1K3 4R4D14 NOW?? Because stupid Japanese emoticons are a suitable substitute for dialogue. My socks are tingling again.
"Wasn't it obvious?" said Kirby "Meta Knight not talking, being wrapped up in the cape, the mask-oh wait, she always does that-. Regardless, it was all a poor attempt at hiding her changes out of shame." With that, Kirby dropped the Detective copy ability. Author's Note: I made that power up. It's not real. G4SP >:O R34LLY?? 1T DO3SNT 3X1ST 1 N3V3R WOULD H4V3 GU3SS3D Thank you for the author notes, author. We only need them because you're too fucking retarded to tell us these things in a coherent and capable storytelling manuver.
So, what will happen to our Princess? Find out on THE LAST CHAPTER! OH Y3S F1N4LLY! TH4NK YOU SW33T LORG 4ND J3GUS!![/quote] Thank Troll Jegus, we're almost over.
Chapter 8 2 weeks later: the aftermath TH4NK GOG L4ST CH4PT3R W3 C4N 3ND TH1S SH1T
I wonder how I managed to read this without regurgitating. It must be luck.
2 weeks 4ND 4 WHOL3 BUNCH OF STUP1D Unfunny shit later….
Well, for the most part, sanity Y34H R1GHT!! had returned to Smash Mansion, although Meta Knight, the Trainer, Link, and dare I say it…Mistress Hand, were still girls. The way that Link could still date Zelda and still date someone of the opposite gender was simple: date Sheik. Same person, different body, after all. 1 DON’T KNOW MUCH 4BOUT HUM4NS 4ND TH41R D1FF3R3NC3S 1N G3ND3R 4ND S3XU4L1TY BUT WOULDN’T 1T B3 FR34KY TO TURN TO TH3 OPPOS1T3 G3ND3R 4ND TH3N D4T1NG TH3 OPPOS1T3 G3ND3R?? That...that's not right. That's not right at all.
Jigglypuff became the victims' slave until they could turn back (not happening). She couldn't even wear her crown, which Link found, as long as she was a slave. Finally, our poor Princess couldn't take it any longer. SH3 COMM1T3D SU1C1D3 TH1S MORN1NG, H3R BODY W4S FOUND 1N TH3 4TT1C W1TH MULT1PL3 BULL3T HOL3S 4ND H4NG1NG FROM TH3 R4FT3R, MOR3 N3WS 4T 11:00 NOW ROS3 W1TH TH3 STUP1D R3PORT Good evening, those who are tolerant enough to stomach this horrible and unfulfilling conclusion. Our top story tonight is the suicide of "Princess" Jigglefluffs. Not even Dave's ass gave a shit. And that's our story.
"ENOUGH!" she shouted "I can't take it anymore!" Neither can I.
That's what I said… MOR3 FORTH W4LL BR34K1NG!! HOW 3XC1T1NG!!! This is stupid.
"Whatever! I'm a Princess for cryin' out loud! I shouldn't be a slave! Can't I just turn you guys back into guys with my other bottle of Gender Potion already!" WH4T
At this, everyone that changed genders burst into the room.
"You mean all this time, there were 2 bottles!" asked Link 1T 4CTU4LLY GOT STUP1D3R 1 C4N SC4RC3LY FUCK1NG B3L31V3 1T There are no words. There are no words. This could have been averted, and I would not have to have read this pile of drivel.
"Yeah. The formula makes 2 doses. Each dose can change 5 people, even though taking more of the potion in one sitting has the same effects. I still have 2 more bottles because I used one on you guys, and dropped one, breaking the bottle and spilling the contents." YOUR M4TH 1S WRONG SH1TH34D, 2 DOS3S 3QU4L 2 BOTTL3S SO UNL3SS YOU M4D3 2 B4TCH3S YOU SHOULD H4V3 NO OTH3R BOTTL3S ...Samus, where are you?
"You said that you couldn't turn me back." Said Trainer
"Be-CAUSE I didn't have any more on me at the time!" replied Jigglypuff. "But if I can just get my potions, I can turn you all back, end my unfair slavery, and get my crown back! ^v^ " YOU COULD H4V3 TR13D M3NT1ON1NG 1T SOON3R DUMB4SS ...Wow.
"Let's do it!" Said Trainer And nobody scolded her any further than that. The fucking end.
Later… Y34RS 1N TH3 FUTUR3 BUT NOT M4NY
"So, no hard feelings?" asked Jigglypuff once everyone was their own gender, again. H4RD F33L1NGS 4LW4YSI hate the world.
"Well, you did cause us a lot of suffering, but we won't hurt you or anything." Said Master Hand. HURT H1M/H3R!! DO 1T!!! Someone, end my life. I'm too weak now to lift a single weapon.
"But, sir, we agreed that if this nightmare is ever mentioned again, we'd beat Jigglypuff senseless." Said Meta Knight C’MON JUST ONC3 PL34S3!!! No, no...I think it would be more pleasant if you just beat her now.
"Oh yeah, that." Said the Hand. "Yes, we'll beat you up if this is mentioned. Ever." M3NT1ON 1T NOW 4ND G3T B34T D4MM1T COM3 ON!! It's like it's being prolonged for the sake of prolongation...
"Fine." NOOOO Make. Her. Pay.
"So this is the potion that did this to us?" said Link, regarding the last potion. "Let's not go through THAT again." Said he, pouring the potion into a cup to get rid of it. 4ND DO3S TH3 F1C GO THROUGH OUT W1TH MOR3 STUP1D?? SURV3Y S4YS… Yes, pour it into a cup. That's really going to solve our problems. Dumbass.
Just then, little Cpt. Olimar found his way into the kitchen, and saw a cup with some pink stuff in it. Y3S
"Oh, h-hey, you guys," stuttered the alien "oooh, what's this?" he said, picking up the cup…. 1T Make.
"! FUCK1NG Her.
Oh well, here we go, again…. DO3S Pay.
The End
Finally! It's done! Wow, that took a LONG time. So, what did you think of my story? Please R and R (Read and Review) 1T SUCK3D It fucked.
And look forward to more stories! NO FUCK YOUR STOR13S TH3Y SUCK!!!
FUCK TH1S STORY, FUCK 1T TO TH3 BOW3LS OF TROLL 4ND HUM4N H3LL, FUCK 1T 4LL!!! D:< ROS3 1 S4Y W3 F1ND 4 W4Y TO R1P TH1S STORY FROM 3X1ST4NC3 1N TH3 MOST 4W3SOM3LY F1TT1NG W4Y POSS1BL3!!! YOU 1N??
I...I...excuse me, I have the sudden urge to vomit.
1LL 4SK L4T3R TH3N. GOOD N1GHT 3V3RYBODY!
www.determinismsucks.net/archive/1287811064923.gif
Sit back, relax, and try to hold in your lunch until after the commentary. Thank you.
Chapter 1: A psycho revenge idea R3V3NG3 1S 4LW4YS 4 B1TCH And when it's psychotic, it's bound to be more contrived.
Note to readers: the characters in the story aren't always jerks; I just needed to get the girls mad, that's all. Also, in this story, Sheik is biologically a boy. I never played Oot. Live with it. D34L W1TH 1T >B]
Yes, I will deal with this because it is the most intelligent logic I have heard all day. Thank you for convincing me, fiction author.
"Let me go, Bowser!" screamed Peach one day "Why do you always kidnap me anyway?" Because he is very fond of you, presumably. Alternatively, you are being held ransom or are just bait for the plumber man.
"Every Koopa King needs a Koopa Queen." Said the Koopa King. ...Or that. 4ND 3V3RY 1D1OT N33DS 4 WOM4N
"Not if I have anything to say about it!" said Mario, saving Peach. How very descriptive. I feel as though I could do no better myself.
"Well, Princess, you're safe! How about a reward kiss?" And that is not brusquely masochistic at all.
WHAMM-O! 1 DONT TH1NK 4NYTH1NG M4K3S TH4T SOUND 3V3R Except in cartoons. It's always the cartoons, Pyrope.
"You're no better than Bowser!" screamed Peach, storming off, and putting her newly-dented pan away. Away where? I presume she has no pockets, as she is wearing a dress. Besides, Mario can just sue for assault and battery. And suddenly, the plumber is rich. Golden coins as far as the eyes can see.4ND TH4TS 4 LOT OF 3XTR4 L1V3S UNL3SS TH1S ON3 OF TH3 G4M3S WH3R3 H3 C4N 4CTU4LLY BUY SH1T
Elsewhere… And a completely seamless transition. Author, I am impressed. Please share with me the wisdom of your prose prowess.
"Another date, Link? That's the 7th one this week…and it's Tuesday" said Zelda "Can't we take a break, or something?" This could actually be one of the few reasonable requests in this mentally deficient piece of fiction.
"Well, seeing as I'm the BOYfriend and you're the GIRLfriend, you gotta do what I say." But what happens if the couple in question is homosexual?HOMOWH4TNOW??
"DID YOU GROW UP IN THE MIDDLE AGES!" YOU D1D TOO STUP1D, 1 TH1NK I'm not even sure the series has a verifiable time period. Besides, Link doesn't even interrupt people when they're talking. He just sits and stares patiently, drool descending from the corner of his mouth. He's the very definition of good etiquette.
"yes…" Duh.
Elsewhere, again, Samus was overhearing Cpt. Oh no, "captain" is too hard to spell. Better use needless abbreviations. Falcon and Snake argue over which one of them would be Samus's boyfriend. She doesn't want a boyfriend. She gets pissed. OH PL34S3, 1TS JUST GUYS W4V1NG 4ROUND TH31R BON3 BULG3S Then refuse them, Ms. Aran. You are not powerless in this situation.
Soon, Samus finds the other girls (Zelda, Peach, Nana, and Princess Jigglypuff), and speaks of teaching the "jerks" some manners. ...And please define how a feral fighting animal is a princess?
"We could KILL them…" TH4TS 4N 4W3SOM3 1D34 said Nana, who didn't even have a boyfriend (Popo is her brother) Because we have been deprived of this information in the Super Smash Bros. game series. We cannot read a description. Besides, can Nana even speak English? Is this some kind of conspiracy? Stay tuned.
"…Are…are you getting enough air through that hood, Nana?" asked Zelda. No. It's airtight, and cuts off circulation. With it on, she is essentially mentally retarded. I'm sorry for your loss.
"I have an idea!" said Jigglypuff "I recently acquired a certain potion that we can use on them. Now, my boyfriend isn't giving me problems, but this potion will assure that they'll respect girls, more." (It's worth noting at this point that this is the Princess's first wacky scheme, so none of the characters know the trouble that they'll get into with her) WHY 1S TH3 J1GGLYPUFF M4RSHM3LLOW RUMPUS TH1NG SOM3T1M3S C4LL3D WH4T 1T 1S 4ND SOM3T1M3S C4LL3D PR1NC3SS??? ...And why can it talk? And how does it have a boyfriend? The plot thickens by a considerable amount.
"So what does it do-" Samus began, but then it dawned on her what the youngnot-Princess means. "Ooooooooooooh, no. No. You're not even to think of that anymore. Even in this case, that goes way too far. Who even sold you a gender potion in the first place?" A...A what? A gender potion?
"I made it myself just for something to do…" And you must not share this information with the rest of the world. The medical world will make a profit off of it and you will not. It will not make transgender procedures that much easier, I assure you.
"Well, don't use it! We'll think of something else to do" Y3S L1ST3N TO YOUR FR13NDS WHO 4R3 SM4RT3R TH4N YOU B1TCHF4C3 I still think this whole idea is completely fine. Really. I am completely serious.
Everyone else walked off, except for the Princess, who had an idea…a rotten idea…a festering road kill ala au gratin idea! 4L4 4U WH4T4??? WH4T TH3 FUCK DO3S TH4T M34N >:? Terezi, Cooking au gratin is a technique. Anything that can be sliced thin, layered with a cream sauce and baked is material for a gratin.
OH OK
WOW TH4TS FUCK1NG STUP1D
Indeed it is.
Chapter 2 The plan falls into action, sorta What could possibly go wrong? ...Yes, it's one of these fictions.TH3 K1ND OF F1CT1ON WH3R3 3V3RYTH1NG GO3S WRONG!
Well, guys: I listened to your reviews, and tried to make this chapter better. 4ND F41L3D Agreed.
For the record: I'll change the story a bit when I thought it was weak in the original comic form. Now, on to the story! I hope you know I am excited for this. I even put on my extra-giddy pair of socks strictly for this.4ND 1 H4V3 MY 3XC1TM3NT GL4SS3S
The Princess wandered the halls, holding her little bottle, when she came across five half-filled cups in the kitchen. Thank you for being specific. Now I know this chapter is going to have improved. My socks are tingling with flippant joy.4ND MY GL4SS3S 4R3 BOUND1NG 4LL OV3R TH3 FUCK1NG PL4C3
"Hmm…" thought Jigglypuff TH4TS WH4T 1 M34N, 1T K33PS CH4NG1NG "I don't know whose drinks these are, but I'll pour the potion in there, anyway." DONT HUM4NS M4RK TH31R DR1NKS OR SOM3TH1NG >:/ No. We take a guess and hope luck is on our side.
OH R34LLY NOW >:?
So, she hopped onto the large wooden table, and poured a small amount of the pink liquid into the drinks, where it disappeared immediately. "Won't Samus be proud of me?" She thought to herself. I recall her telling you strictly not to do that. Not even Jaspers was this mentally ill.
Idiot. My sentiments exactly, thank you author.YOU KNOW TH3 STORY 1S GOOD WH3N TH3 4UTHOR C4LLS H1S/H3R CH4R4CT3RS 1D1OTS
"Jigglypuff? Called a voice "Are you in here?" I imagine that this is God's voice. I mean, it was the most descriptive description of descriptions that I have ever had the pleasantries to read.WHOS GOD??? 1S TH4T 4 HUM4N DE1TY B3C4US3 1T SOUNDS S1M1L4R TO GOG
"Oh, no! I gotta hide!" Thought the Princess. She ran all over the kitchen, looking for a place to hide, and found an empty cabinet to hide in. Where the hell are they anyway? A house, a mansion, a villa? Please describe the fuck out of this.TH3Y 4R3 1N 4 PL4C3, B3ST D3CR1PS1ON 3V3R
"She must not be here. I wonder where she went. I wanted to tell her something. Oh well, I'll tell her later. Oh, here's my drink!" 1F 1T SM3LLS OF HUM4N 4LMONDS YOU FOUND TH3 PO1SON >:] 1T DO3S?? TH3N YOU W1N!!! Y44444Y!!! >:D It's very normal to talk to yourself. (PS Contact me on pesterchum as "tentacleTherapist". Your bill will be in the mail.)
By now, Jigglypuff P1CK 4 N4M3 4ND ST1CK W1TH 1T!!! realized who the voice belonged to: Zelda! How could she suddenly realize who it belonged to? An ephiphany is not likely...then again, she is a wild animal and completely stupid by human standards. But then, how can she talk? And as a side note, I am still pondering how a feral fighting monster can be adorned with the title "Princess".
Now, normally this wouldn't be a bad thing, but right now, the Princess was hiding in a drawer, and (with the door open a tiny bit) watching Zelda drink a cup of a drink laced with Gender Potion! Not good. Oh look, a drink all out in the open. Must be intended for me, and not laced with anything...why do I feel so strange? If you are going to pour a drink for yourself, why not just take it with you instead of leaving it in a kitchen? Especially when you live in a house full of villainous cads?
The Princess wanted to call out to Zelda, but stopped herself: she didn't want Zelda finding out about this. It's always wiser to take a prank farther and farther and then tell the truth at the end, thereby being granted a scolding by a guardian figure about the importance of honesty, but still getting let off easy.
And so, she just remained hidden in the cabinet, listening to people walk in and out, but not daring to see who it was, anymore. She didn't want anyone to find out her location. WOW YOU 4R3 STUP1D, SH3 W1LL OBV1OUSLY F1GUR3 1T OUT WH3N SH3 B3COM3S M4L3You can't even take a peak out? What courage you have, you lousy shitpuff.
Elsewhere… Another seamless transition! The socks are gleeful.4ND TH3 GL4SS3S WONT C4LM TH3 FUCK DOWN
"Hey, Samus?" asked Zelda that evening "Do you feel…odd in any way?" What an inconspicuous question.
"No, why?"
"Because I do, and I can't figure out-what?" asked Zelda, who was getting an odd look from her friend. In this edition of Survivor, you must not outwit, but outwhat your fellow competitors.4ND R3M3MB3R, LOS3RS G3T F3D TO TH3 SH4RKS
"Zelda, why did you turn into Sheik?" asked Samus. Because it makes sense to say that. It was an outfit. An outfit all along.1T W4S 4ND 4LW4YS W1LL B3 4N OUTF1T
"I didn't, did I?" But then, Zelda noticed that her voice was a bit lower, so she looked down to find that she was, in fact, Sheik. And how can you not know if you are the opposite sex immediately?
"That's odd. I didn't mean to do that." Said Sheik, turning himself back into a "she". HUM4NS C4N CH4NG3 TH31R G3ND3RS 4T W1LL??? >:O C4N YOU DO TH4T ROS3??
Yes. My male alter-ego is Rodney Lalonde. He has the same interests as me, but he thinks scantily-clad women are quite sexy and, as they say, "the shit".
"Whatever. I'm going to bed." Best to end this conversation before it gets any more akward. ...Oh wait.
"I think I will too."
"Ok. Good night"
"'Night" SL33P T1GHT, DONT L3T TH3 SOPOR BUGS B1T3 H3H3H3H3H3H3 But bite they will. They will bite at your chest, most of all. Beware, ladies.
Little did Zelda and Samus know that that little incident with Sheik was only the start of their problems….And hopefully, the soon-to-come end. Of course, I was always a bit optimistic...
Chapter 3 Link's awakening 1SNT TH4T ON3 OF H1S STUP1D G4M3S??? I suppose it was supposed to be some sort of pun.
Link woke up the next morning to find that…. WH4T? WH4T? The suspense is thrilling! My socks are practically flying off my feet! .everything was normal. >:O !!!! Fooled ya, didn't I? Y3S 1T W4S SHOCK1NG, R1GHT ROS3? An interjection from the author...very shocking indeed, Pyrope.Regardless, Link got dressed like normal, but felt that his clothes didn't fit right. It was
tight in some areas, and loose in others. To see why, Link looked at a full view mirror, and… 4ND WOND3R3D WHY H3 SOM3HOW B3C4M3 MOR3 OF 4 M4N BY B3COM1NG 4 WOM4N That isn't promiscuous at all. Right, Terezi?
"!" HOW DO YOU M4K3 TH3 SOUND !??? I will demonstrate, Terezi... 'AJSKDASBDHKABNDHBHRAW'. Yes, I just randomly mashed my keyboard. No need to ask.
The scream awoke several Smashers, 1T W4S 4 SCR34M?? TH3N JUST PUT 44444HHHHH OR SOM3TH1NG "44444HHHHH." Are you satisfied?Y3S TH4NK YOU ROS3 >:] including Jigglypuff, who was sleeping in the cabinet she had hidden in. She
guessed that the scream meant that someone was just TG'd, and went in search of the other TG's. TG JUST M4K3S M3 TH1NK OF D4V3 4ND HOW MUCH MOR3 COOL TH1S STORY WOULD B3 W1TH HIM TG'd? ...Transgender'd? ...Or turntechGodhead'd? The mystery thickens.MOR3 L1K3 TH3 MYST3RY TH1NN3NS
(Un)fortunately, the scream woke up Zelda, who was dumbfounded to see a girl in Link's clothes. Suddenly, she remembered that little Princess's "plan", put 2 and 2 together, and spoke. Y4Y!!! YOU C4N DO M4TH! But she didn't provide the answer! ...It was four, by the way. Four.
"LINK! Is that you?" NO 1TS H1S TW1N S1ST3R TH4T H3 4LW4YS H4D NO M4TT3R WH4T YOU S4Y How could she possibly figure it out?
"Uh…yeah…. You see-" YOUR3 4 WOM4N NOW, 1TS NOT H4RD TO S4Y 1N F4CT YOU DONT 3V3N N33D TO S4Y 1T What is he/she trying to do? Explain something? I don't really think you can viably explain how you switch your sex while you slept. I can't wait to here this.
"I know, Link. Jigglypuff did it." 1TS 4LL H3R F4ULT, K1CK H3R 4SS Damn, intercepted by the oh-so-cunning princess.
"So, now what? We find her and change me back?" HUUUR YOU TH1NK SO??? 1 N3V3R WOULD H4V3 FUCK1NG GU3SS3D >:P Sounds like a plan. We begin at dawn. Pack your bags, Linkette. This is going to be a long ride.R1D3 S1R GR33N C4P! 4W4Y!!
"Bingo." WHOS B1NGO 4ND 1S TH4T R34LLY H1S N4M3O??? That accursed dog has been captured in my nightmares for years. I always thought that he had killed Jaspers...
Sorry about the HORR1BL3 SH1T TH4T 1S TH1S STORY?? short chapter and long wait-Finals. '^' 1 CR13D TOO WH3N 1 R34D TH1S, B31NG BL1ND THOUGH 1T HURT L1K3 4 SL4P TO TH3 F4C3 FROM 4 B1TCHF4C3
Because we really anticipate the next chapter of this shitstorm. Dumbass.
Chapter 4 Where did Jigglypuff go? OH WH3R3 OH WH3R3 COULD S/H3 B3 I propose that it was Jigglypuff, in the kitchen, with the candlestick.
Really sorry about the short chapter last time. I was busy. PL34S3 FOR TH3 LOV3 OF GOG ST4Y BUSY Indeed.
"Wait!" Said Link. "I can't go out like this! People will see me!" OH TH3Y WONT S33 TH3 D1FF3R3NC3 And ogle you ferociously, not aware that you are supposed to be a man.
"I thing that scream gave the Smashers an idea that something's wrong." 31TH3R TH4T OR SOM3ON3 F3LL DOWN TH3 ST41RS 4G41N S/he was warned about the stairs. They warned you, dog.
"Fine…"
"Besides, you aren't the only one to have taken a potion. I turned into Sheik the other day randomly, so I'm guessing that I drank a potion, too." POT1ONS C4N CH4NG3 YOUR CLOTH3S NOW, M4K3 YOUR MORN1NG 34S13R W1TH TH3 C4SU4L W34R POT1ON!! BUY NOW WH1L3 SUPPL13S L4ST!!!
"Too bad I can't change back like you can." NO L1NK YOU C4N CH4G3 B4CK, YOU JUST 4R3NT TRY1NG H4RD 3NOUGH...UNL3SS >:O
"You can once we find the Princess" Seriously. It's a fucking animal. It is not and can not be a princess. I am tired of this stupid bullshit.
"Ok." OK? OK Ok.
And so, our 2 smashers set out to find Jigglypuff, who was taking action of her own… SH3 COULDN’T F1ND TH3 P34NUT BUTT3R 4ND SH3 SW34RS 1F SOM3ON3 4T3 4LL OF 1T…
"So let me get this strait," Said Jigglypuff to Samus "Zelda unknowingly turned into Sheik yesterday?" She didn't notice, of course. The fact that you now have the genitals of the opposite sex is not jarring or noticeable at all.
"Yes" replied Samus "This wouldn't have anything to do with that potion of yours, now would it?" G4SP, S4MUS 1S SM4RT Suddenly, one of the characters gains a fraction of intelligence! Congratulations, your Samus Aran has evolved into Slightly Smarter Samus Aran!
"Uh…no," The Princess lied "The potion just turned people pink." POT1ON?? WH4T POT1ON??? TH3R3 W4S 4ND N3V3R W1LL B3 4 POT1ON
"You stink at lying." YOU SM3LL OF SOM3 SW33T P3RFUM3 BUT YOUR D3C13T ST1NKS!!
"Gotta go, BYE!" said Jigglypuff, taking off. PCHOOOOO Doesn't Jigglypuff float? To me, it would be more like "shoooooooooosh...pap."
"Whew! That was close!" Jigglypuff thought to herself later. " 'Turned people pink'? HA! Samus was right! I do stink at lying. Oh well. At least I know that Link and Zelda drank the potion. Only 3 more TG's to go!" WH3R3 1S D4V3?? 1 W4NT H1M TO F1ND 4 W4Y TO T1M3 TR4V3L TH1S OUT OF 3X1ST4NC3 Terezi, aren't there about forty-one by now?
Speaking of pink….
"Hey, Meta Knight!" Kirby said, running into Meta Knight's room "Did ya hear? People have been changing genders, and…Dude, why are you wrapped up in your cape like that? You haven't done that since we did that Anime. What gives?"
Meta Knight gave Kirby a death glare. 4ND TH3N 3V3RYBODY D13D, TH3 3ND 'That anime'. It's a Japanese cartoon. That is what the animes are.
Kirby thought for a while… 4ND 4 WH1L3 4ND 4 WH1L3 4ND 4 WH1L3 4ND SO ON
Calculating….DING! OOOO TH3 POPCORN 1S R34DY!!! 4ND 1T ONLY TOOK F1V3 MONTHS Suddenly, Kirby has transformed into a noisy calculating computer. Seems there are more than just Dave transformations in here.
"You didn't change, too, did you?"
Uber-death glare! 4ND TH3N 3V3RYBODY WHO 3V3R 3X1ST3D 1N TH3 P4ST, PR3S3NT, OR FUTUR3 D13D, TH3 3ND Uber? Is that even a real, English word?
"WELL!" Kirby yelled "Did ya or not!" Question mark.
"Works for me." Said Jigglypuff to herself from across the room. Ok, so far, the TG's are:
2. Link
3. Meta Knight
4. ?
5. ?
Link and Meta Knight are different Daves? Thrilling. The socks are pleased.4ND TH3 GL4SS3S 4R3 FL1PP1NG OUT
"I'd better find the other victims!" Said she, who rounded the corner to find, to her shock…. 4 GOOD STORY?? PL34S3 L3T 1T B3 SO
Chapter 5 Jigglypuff gets into even more trouble 3NOUGH TROUBL3 TO D13?? PL34S3??? Hopefully, but our dreams will never come true.
….Pikachu! OH GOGD4MM1T
"Oh, Jigglypuff! Where were you all day? You've been missing since yesterday."
"I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!" HOW SUBTL3 Shouted the Princess. Oh nice one thought the Princess to herself. I might as well have slapped a sticker on my head saying "I did it". M4Y 4S W3LL Do any of these characters have an IQ above fifty?
Wait…where's my crown? I must have dropped it. I had it since I can remember SH3 H4D 4 CROWN, TH3 S1GN1F1C4NC3 OF 1T?? N3V3R 3XPL41N3D!!! She's had a crown that whole time? Well, thanks for explaining this earlier. And besides, wild animals cannot be royalty.
Oh well. I gotta deal with the problem at hand, now. Just then, she saw a Pokéball lying on the ground. Author Utilization Technique, go! Author tech level six, Deus Ex Machina!
"Sorry about this, Honey." Said Jigglypuff, throwing the Pokéball, and catching Pikachu. GOTT4 C4TCH 3M 4LL YOU KNOW Honey? How disgusting. Interspecies relationships sure are weird.
"Oh no, NOW I'm in trouble" Said Jigglypuff to herself. "I disobeyed Samus, sabotaged people's drinks, swapped people's genders, hid from taking any punishment, and NOW I've captured my own boyfriend. Y3S, PL34S3 K33P T4LK1NG 4BOUT HOW MUCH YOU SUCK In other words, you're fucking retarded. And thank you for summing up your misdeeds, so we didn't have to read this...oh wait.
However, I can't go back, now. I'll just have to hide the Pokéball in the Pokémon room." (Each game series has its own room). OH SO NOW YOU 3XPL41N TH3 PL4C3?? And suddenly, more deus ex machinas.
However, the door was locked, and we all know by whom. SOM3 GUY W3 DON’T C4R3 4BOUT??
No, we don't know. How are we supposed to know? Do you expect us to know without a hint of foreshadowing? This author is clearly unhinged.
"Come on, Trainer! Let me in!" SO TH4TS 4 Y3S TH3N No one has names any more. No one.
"I'm not coming out!" shouted some girl. Y3S 4 G1RL, R3M3MB3R TH4T R34D3RS, 4 G1RL
Just then, Jigglypuff remembered her own key, unlocked the door herself, and entered. HOW DO YOU FORG3T TH4T YOU H4V3 4 K3Y TO 4 PL4C3??? >:\ Like I said...deus. Ex. Machina.
It's pretty obvious what's happened. There's no need to prolong the suspense.
...
Okay, that's it. I'm sick of this. I've had it. This is the worst piece of shit I have ever seen. This is a fucking retarded idea. This is the toilet that was torn out of the wall carelessly by an intangible cursor, prodded around a bit, and then hurled unceremoniously to the lawn below. This is garbage.
JUST 4 THR33 MOR3 CH4PT3RS ROS3 TH3N W3 4R3 DON3, C4N YOU H4NDL3 TH4T?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Chapter 6 Link and Zelda argue with the narrator TH1S WONT TURN OUT W3LL Because breaking the fourth wall is a good idea when writing fiction.
"Hurry up, Link! We must find the Princess." Said Zelda. TH3 PR1NC3SS 1S 1N 4NOTH3R C4STL3 DUMBSH1T
"You know, Zelda," said Link "I'm having a tough time not being slow." I'm having a tough time figuring out which princess we're referring to. There is a large number of those bitches. Don't forget that I've never been a girl before, and I have a lot to get used to." Yes, because we forgot you were transgendered. Sorry, that's just something we forget from time to time.
"Like…?"
"Well, for starters, I have a lower center of gravity. CH4NG1NG G3ND3RS M4K3S YOU LOS3 W31GHT!! I can also tell that I have a lower center of gravity on a whim. I also am not used to all this hair in my face-" 4ND 1T M4K3S YOUR H41R GROW!!! Some girls cut their hair short.
"I have something for you to use to put your hair back in a ponytail." Interrupted Zelda. DON’T 1NT3RRUPT B1TCH >:[ Or do that.
"Oh, ok." Said Link "But I'm not done, yet. My body is now more slender and weak. W34K?? H3Y! You're right, I can't kill a giant ogre with a pair of knitting needles and some yarn as well as you can. Here, let's see you do it much better than me.I also am wearing clothes that no longer fit me because of-" TH3Y SHOULD F1T JUST F1N3 Note to self, suddenly becoming a woman makes you lose all previous muscle mass, and becoming a man gives you a large muscle mass. This is important information that could be of use in the future, Pyrope. Are you taking notes?? Jesus, get a fucking pen.GOT 3M 4LR34DY!!
"OK! I get it! I am used to being Sheik, Sheik is not a man, I do not care about your head-canon.
so it's not a problem for me, but this is your first TG, His/her first Dave?
so you have trouble adjusting. sigh." Don't worry, Princess Zelda, I say the word sigh when I expel a breath of air, too. It's nothing abnormal. But I'm always available for contacting on Pesterchum at "tentacleTherapist".
"Ok, this is what we'll do," Zelda continued "After we catch Jigglypuff, I'll help you get used to that new body. Ok?" WH4T 4BOUT TR4NSFORM1NG B4CK UNL3SS >:O Z3LD4 YOU S1CKO!! Because you didn't plan on performing surgery? For shame, Zelda, tut tut.
"Once we catch Jigglypuff, I'll change back, because I-Hey what's that?" 1T W4S 4 THOUGHT C4TCH 1T Doof doof short attention span.
Link picked up a bottle that had a label with a symbol on it that looked like the male and female symbols on the same circle-A popular TG symbol. 1F 1T W4S 4 TG SYMBOL 1T WOULD B3 4 R3CORD WOULDN’T 1T?? Wait, weren't the bottles unmarked before?
"It looks like the Gender Potion that she had showed us earlier." BUY TH3M NOW! They weren't marked, how could you know if they were actually the gender potion? It might be the pink potion, look out.
"Why was she doing that?" DO1NG WH4T?? SHOW1NG 1T TO P3OPL3??? Becoming a woman also means you have a short attention span. You are particularly attracted to glittering gems- ooh shiny.
"Because we girls were looking to get revenge at how you boys were treating us. We were sick of it." 1T W4S 4 DUMB 1D34 THOUGH 1N H1NDS1GHT Good old fashioned sexism one way...
"YOU COULD'VE JUST TALKED TO US! YOU DIDN'T NEED TO TURN ME INTO A WOMAN!" F1RST LOG1C4L TH1NG 1N TH1S F1C
"That idea was turned down quickly." And good old fashioned sexism in the other. Men are not completely unreasonable.
Jigglypuff acted on her own accord. However, you're right: we should've just told you how we felt. Also, we were overreacting a bit-" 4 B1T?? YOU C4LL TH4T 4 B1T?!
"Try a LOT" 3X4CTLY! >:[ Princess Peach, Mario saved you from a giant fire-breathing turtle that possesses the qualms of dark magic. You could have at least given him a quick peck on the cheek.
"-and I'm sorry." OH G33Z
"Hey, we got her potion, so I'm saved! I totally forgive you!" 4ND TH4TS TH3 3ND 3V3RYBODY GO HOM-
"Uh, Link?" said Zelda "The bottle's empty." OH FUCK 4 D4MM1T
And it was. It was bone-dry. Not a drop of salvation for Link's no longer existing manhood could be seen. Looks like Link may be a woman forever! OH NOOOOO I feel like a woman. Oh, oh, oh. (Don't ask.)
"!" !
! !!! Exclamation point...exclamation point...hey, I'm trying my hardest here.
"SHUT UP! I'd like to see YOU in my shoes right now, ya crazy narrator!" said Link ??? Why would you suddenly argue with a person and break the fourth wall for no reason? This just in, women are unreasonable.
Hey, maybe if I did, I'd actually fit in them. The tunic may not be too tight on me, either, unlike you! He he he…or in this case, Her her her… BOOOOO TH4T SUCK3D!! >:[ I admit, that was bad, even for this garbage.
"Stop being mean to Link! It's not his fault his new figure makes his outfit not fit that waist and chest!" 3SP3C14LLY H1S W41ST TH3 D4MN F4TTY ...And there's the fetish train. Th-th-that's all, folks.
"Not so loud." said Link timidly.
Stay outta my fun, Zelda! Listen, I'm going to cut to Jigglypuff for a bit, so in the meantime, Zelda, you should give Link some stuff to wear so that he won't be as uncomfortable. 'K?
"Ok." TH4T W4S STUP1D, TH1S WHOL3 TH1NG 1S STUP1D, 1N F4CT 1 F33L STUP1D FOR R34D1NG TH1S SH1T BUT JUST TWO MOR3 CH4PT3RS TH3N W3 C4N GO
Holy shit. When I don't think this can get any worse...amazingly, it does.
Chapter 7 BUSTED! F1V3-OH!! CH33S3 1T!!! When will this be terminated? Oh well, this issue has gone far beyond rational.
Ungh…so what if I'm mean to those guys? It's MY fanfiction, so I don't see why- oh yeah, you're still here. Y3S W3 4R3 M1SS BR34K TH3 FORTH W4LL And now we see how mentally deficient the writer of these mentally deficient characters is. The answer? Very retarded.
Well, in this chapter, we get to see who the last victim is. I could tell ya now, but that'd ruin my fun, so let's just move on with the story…. 4ND H3R3 W3 GO!! I would rather you just spared me the bullshit and told us. Your convoluted method of storytelling is making me want to vomit. Profusely.
"I just know this is your fault, somehow." Said a girl with a baseball cap on, a white blouse, a black skirt, and 3 Pokéballs. SH3S 4 G1RL 4ND SH3S H4S MOR3 B4LLS TH3N L1NK D1D WH3N H3 W4S 4 M4N 1F YOU G3T WH4T 1 M34N >:] > :] >:] > :] >:] > :] ROS3 H3LP 1 C4NT STOP TH3 3Y3BROWS!!! Oh snap. But the eyebrows will stop on their own, don't you worry.
"You have no proof." Said Jigglypuff. OBJ3CT1ON!!! Your honor, the defense would like to present this... "Bottle of... Transgender Potion?"
"You're always messing up, you're a total klutz, and on top of that, I heard you tell the other girls about it." Said the Trainer Y3S H1S/H3R 4L1B1 1S W34K Wow, the protagonist's intelligence may give the author a run for her money.
"Ok, maybe you do have some proof." TH3 OBJ3CT1ON G3TS US 4LL Rose Lalonde, Ace Attorney is always right. As you advised near the beginning of your fiction...Deal with it.
"Well make me a boy, again."
"No can do." Liar.
Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Jigglypuff opened it to find Zelda, Link, Kirby, Meta Knight, Peach, Mario, Samus, Pikachu (who was let out of the Pokéball), Crazy Hand, and an odd-looking Master Hand, who was more slender, and had what appeared to be long nails. Didn't see that coming did ya? 4CTU4LLY NO, 1 D1D NOT 1M B31NG COMPL3T3LY S3R1OUS H3R3 1 W4S NOT 3XP3CT1NG TH4T I was expecting it...what a tweest! What are you, M. Night Shyamalan?
"You know, I wondered why Master Hand didn't intervene before." Said Samus Yet again, Samus receives the title "Most Logically Capable Character".
"Wait," said Jigglypuff "how did Master Hand take the potion? He has no mouth." TH4T 1S 4 GOOD-
"I have my ways." 4ND TH3 QU3ST1ON, N3V3R TRU3LY 4NSW3R3D Subtle.
"Oh, ok….BYE!" BY3!! 1 HOP3 YOU D13 >:]
Jigglypuff took off running at top speed, but was stopped after a lot of dodging attacks on her part and a lot of effort on everyone else's part. W41T HUH?? ...What the fuck was that trainwreck of a cognizant sentence? Sorry, I mean "incognizant", because obviously the author has some sort of brain syndrome.
"What should we do with her?" asked Samus 1T T4K3S S3V3N TO LYNCH Sentenced to life with the whispers of the Outer Gods.
"Kill her, duh." Said Meta Knight in a feminine, but not high-pitched voice. 1 4GR33 TO TH3 K1LL1NG BUT HOW DO3S H4V1NG 4 F3M1N1N3 NOT-H1GHP1TCH3D VO1C3 WORK? Is it bad that I imagined the voice of a stereotypical black teenage woman?WH4TS 4 BL4CK T33N4G3 WOM4N ROS3??
O-O-Everyone's reaction to voice (only Jigglypuff and Kirby knew about what happened to Meta Knight. SO 3V3RYBODY JUST LOOKS L1K3 4R4D14 NOW?? Because stupid Japanese emoticons are a suitable substitute for dialogue. My socks are tingling again.
"Wasn't it obvious?" said Kirby "Meta Knight not talking, being wrapped up in the cape, the mask-oh wait, she always does that-. Regardless, it was all a poor attempt at hiding her changes out of shame." With that, Kirby dropped the Detective copy ability. Author's Note: I made that power up. It's not real. G4SP >:O R34LLY?? 1T DO3SNT 3X1ST 1 N3V3R WOULD H4V3 GU3SS3D Thank you for the author notes, author. We only need them because you're too fucking retarded to tell us these things in a coherent and capable storytelling manuver.
So, what will happen to our Princess? Find out on THE LAST CHAPTER! OH Y3S F1N4LLY! TH4NK YOU SW33T LORG 4ND J3GUS!![/quote] Thank Troll Jegus, we're almost over.
Chapter 8 2 weeks later: the aftermath TH4NK GOG L4ST CH4PT3R W3 C4N 3ND TH1S SH1T
I wonder how I managed to read this without regurgitating. It must be luck.
2 weeks 4ND 4 WHOL3 BUNCH OF STUP1D Unfunny shit later….
Well, for the most part, sanity Y34H R1GHT!! had returned to Smash Mansion, although Meta Knight, the Trainer, Link, and dare I say it…Mistress Hand, were still girls. The way that Link could still date Zelda and still date someone of the opposite gender was simple: date Sheik. Same person, different body, after all. 1 DON’T KNOW MUCH 4BOUT HUM4NS 4ND TH41R D1FF3R3NC3S 1N G3ND3R 4ND S3XU4L1TY BUT WOULDN’T 1T B3 FR34KY TO TURN TO TH3 OPPOS1T3 G3ND3R 4ND TH3N D4T1NG TH3 OPPOS1T3 G3ND3R?? That...that's not right. That's not right at all.
Jigglypuff became the victims' slave until they could turn back (not happening). She couldn't even wear her crown, which Link found, as long as she was a slave. Finally, our poor Princess couldn't take it any longer. SH3 COMM1T3D SU1C1D3 TH1S MORN1NG, H3R BODY W4S FOUND 1N TH3 4TT1C W1TH MULT1PL3 BULL3T HOL3S 4ND H4NG1NG FROM TH3 R4FT3R, MOR3 N3WS 4T 11:00 NOW ROS3 W1TH TH3 STUP1D R3PORT Good evening, those who are tolerant enough to stomach this horrible and unfulfilling conclusion. Our top story tonight is the suicide of "Princess" Jigglefluffs. Not even Dave's ass gave a shit. And that's our story.
"ENOUGH!" she shouted "I can't take it anymore!" Neither can I.
That's what I said… MOR3 FORTH W4LL BR34K1NG!! HOW 3XC1T1NG!!! This is stupid.
"Whatever! I'm a Princess for cryin' out loud! I shouldn't be a slave! Can't I just turn you guys back into guys with my other bottle of Gender Potion already!" WH4T
At this, everyone that changed genders burst into the room.
"You mean all this time, there were 2 bottles!" asked Link 1T 4CTU4LLY GOT STUP1D3R 1 C4N SC4RC3LY FUCK1NG B3L31V3 1T There are no words. There are no words. This could have been averted, and I would not have to have read this pile of drivel.
"Yeah. The formula makes 2 doses. Each dose can change 5 people, even though taking more of the potion in one sitting has the same effects. I still have 2 more bottles because I used one on you guys, and dropped one, breaking the bottle and spilling the contents." YOUR M4TH 1S WRONG SH1TH34D, 2 DOS3S 3QU4L 2 BOTTL3S SO UNL3SS YOU M4D3 2 B4TCH3S YOU SHOULD H4V3 NO OTH3R BOTTL3S ...Samus, where are you?
"You said that you couldn't turn me back." Said Trainer
"Be-CAUSE I didn't have any more on me at the time!" replied Jigglypuff. "But if I can just get my potions, I can turn you all back, end my unfair slavery, and get my crown back! ^v^ " YOU COULD H4V3 TR13D M3NT1ON1NG 1T SOON3R DUMB4SS ...Wow.
"Let's do it!" Said Trainer And nobody scolded her any further than that. The fucking end.
Later… Y34RS 1N TH3 FUTUR3 BUT NOT M4NY
"So, no hard feelings?" asked Jigglypuff once everyone was their own gender, again. H4RD F33L1NGS 4LW4YSI hate the world.
"Well, you did cause us a lot of suffering, but we won't hurt you or anything." Said Master Hand. HURT H1M/H3R!! DO 1T!!! Someone, end my life. I'm too weak now to lift a single weapon.
"But, sir, we agreed that if this nightmare is ever mentioned again, we'd beat Jigglypuff senseless." Said Meta Knight C’MON JUST ONC3 PL34S3!!! No, no...I think it would be more pleasant if you just beat her now.
"Oh yeah, that." Said the Hand. "Yes, we'll beat you up if this is mentioned. Ever." M3NT1ON 1T NOW 4ND G3T B34T D4MM1T COM3 ON!! It's like it's being prolonged for the sake of prolongation...
"Fine." NOOOO Make. Her. Pay.
"So this is the potion that did this to us?" said Link, regarding the last potion. "Let's not go through THAT again." Said he, pouring the potion into a cup to get rid of it. 4ND DO3S TH3 F1C GO THROUGH OUT W1TH MOR3 STUP1D?? SURV3Y S4YS… Yes, pour it into a cup. That's really going to solve our problems. Dumbass.
Just then, little Cpt. Olimar found his way into the kitchen, and saw a cup with some pink stuff in it. Y3S
"Oh, h-hey, you guys," stuttered the alien "oooh, what's this?" he said, picking up the cup…. 1T Make.
"! FUCK1NG Her.
Oh well, here we go, again…. DO3S Pay.
The End
Finally! It's done! Wow, that took a LONG time. So, what did you think of my story? Please R and R (Read and Review) 1T SUCK3D It fucked.
And look forward to more stories! NO FUCK YOUR STOR13S TH3Y SUCK!!!
FUCK TH1S STORY, FUCK 1T TO TH3 BOW3LS OF TROLL 4ND HUM4N H3LL, FUCK 1T 4LL!!! D:< ROS3 1 S4Y W3 F1ND 4 W4Y TO R1P TH1S STORY FROM 3X1ST4NC3 1N TH3 MOST 4W3SOM3LY F1TT1NG W4Y POSS1BL3!!! YOU 1N??
I...I...excuse me, I have the sudden urge to vomit.
1LL 4SK L4T3R TH3N. GOOD N1GHT 3V3RYBODY!
